The baby’s diaper overfilled on the way to the doctor. You broke a nail zipping up your son’s coat this morning. You opened the fridge to find that the hamburger you needed for tonight’s supper wasn’t good anymore. All of a sudden, your eyes fill with tears and you want to sink to the floor, begging Calgon to take you away.
I want to talk with you about the importance of taking time for yourself and give you some strategies on how to do that. You will hear the value of me time, as well as some suggestions you wouldn’t have thought of.
Have you had days like the one I described above? I can remember a particularly nasty diaper blow out that also dirtied the car seat. That was a moment! Are you feeling like you’re juggling so many balls that you don’t even remember what all of them are? There’s soccer on Tuesday, dance on Thursday, piano on Saturday, karate on Mondays and Wednesdays, and somewhere in there needs to be a date night. I hear you laughing. Date nights are once a month, if at all, you say. You are taking care of everyone else; are you taking care of you?
Moms; yes, I know that’s sexist but let’s face it, that’s who is usually spinning all the plates. Moms, it’s important to take some time for yourselves. I hear you laughing again. I’m a single mom and have worked full time while raising my kids. I know the hassle it is to try to figure out what three minutes in a day I can have to myself. I know. But here’s the thing, if you don’t, everyone suffers.
I’m sure everyone has heard the saying ‘you can’t pour from an empty cup.’ There’s a reason why it’s a well known saying. Because so many people find it to be true. If your cup is empty, you have nothing left to pour into anyone else’s cup. You’re dry. There’s nothing left to give. What happens when your phone battery dies? It can’t power your phone until it’s been recharged. The same theory applies. In fact, if you read the Bible at all, even Jesus took regular times away from everyone, even from his disciples (who were like his family), in order to be refreshed. That’s gotta tell you how important me time is.
So the first stumbling block is finding the time. See above with the ridiculous schedule. Actually, I guess the first thing is recognizing that you need to MAKE the time. If you’re anything like I was, you’re up before the kids to make lunches and do breakfast. Then you get the monkeys up and try to wrestle them into clothing and convince them to eat something. Then off to school and work. Once you get home, there’s homework and supper to make. Then all the various extra-curricular activities. Getting home from that, you have to wrangle the darlings into the bedtime routine. By that time, you’re so exhausted, all you want to do is fall into bed. So maybe that schedule needs some adjustment. Maybe one of those activities could be dropped or grandma could take them. Maybe you choose to stay up just 30 minutes later to do something all for yourself. Maybe your spouse takes the kids to Sunday brunch so you can sleep in. Be creative and get your partner to help you find a way to squeak out some time.
The second obstacle is usually money. Kheri, everything for me time costs money and I don’t have any extra. Well, let’s put our collective heads together and make a list of small things to buy or do for ourselves that don’t cost a lot or are free. Go ahead, take a minute and write your suggestions.
You can choose to go big or go home and do something like a girls’ get away or a spa day. But it’s expensive and it’s a chore finding people to take care of the kids or co-ordinate schedules. Most people’s budgets are much tighter since the pandemic caused job losses and company closures. So what are some small things you can do?
If you’re a reader, download a library app and borrow library books. Find a quiet corner at the end (or the beginning) of each day to read one or two chapters. If scents are your thing, go to the dollar store and sniff every candle there to find a few you like. Then place them all around your bathroom while you take a bubble bath. Maybe you just really like cheese (mmmmmmmm, cheese!). Save up a little extra and go buy yourself a cheese that you’ve always wanted to try. Then hide in the pantry to eat in peace.
Now here’s the part where I said I’d give you some surprising suggestions. Me time doesn’t always mean alone time. Whaaaaaat??!! Not all people recharge by being alone. It’s crazy to me, as an introvert, but some people fill their buckets by going to a dinner party or playing games on a Friday night. Start a babysitting co-op with some friends and take turns hosting a night out while someone else keeps the kids busy. Everyone takes a turn so no one feels left out or taken advantage of. Get a few people together and go to garage sales on a Saturday morning. My kids learned to appreciate coming as they could spend their allowance on cheap toys that someone else no longer wanted. Or if you’re a little more introverted but still like people, have another family with their kids come over to play simple games together. Laughing together can be just as fulfilling as hiding in the bathroom with the shower running and the door locked.
Whatever you choose to do, know that you aren’t just taking a break to help you feel refreshed but taking me time is an investment in your family. If momma can’t function, the family doesn’t function. Dinner doesn’t get made if you’re eating doritos in the walk in closet and kids don’t get driven to t-ball if you’re too exhausted to leave the house. And don’t be afraid to use your people resources! You’ll never get your mother-in-law to babysit if you never ask. Yes, I hear you laughing again…
Making time for you is essential for keeping the whole family healthy. If you are struggling with how your family is functioning, please feel free to schedule a free one hour Step by Step Parenting session with me to discuss how a one to one coaching relationship might be helpful. https://calendly.com/kheritaylor/60min